Theme song Meg"s Friend: There"s Craig Hoffman! He"s together a rebel. Meg: oh my God, he for this reason gorgeous! and also he dram by no one"s rules but his own. Meg"s various other Friend: Meg, you should ask him out. Ns mean, you"re the only one of us who"s ever before had a actual boyfriend. Cut Scene Meg ideologies a deacying body accross the railroad tracks. Meg: I"m back. (flies buzzing) ns brought another picnic. You"re such a great listener. You"re not like the other boys. A wolf approaches and also chews off the boy"s arm. You"re so good with animals. End cut Scene. Meg: ns guess I could give it a try. Every right. Here goes. She leaves the table and also approaces Craig. Hi, Craig. Um, i was wondering if probably you"d want to... Ns don"t know, go out part time? Craig: Ha. That"s around as most likely as me play by someone else"s rules as well as my own. Which ns would never do. Ns play by my very own rules. No one else"s. Not also my own. Meg: how "bout a movie? Craig: i don"t walk out v dudes. At home. Meg: Mom, Dad, am i ugly? Lois: Oh, of food not, sweetie. Peter: Yeah, where"d you acquire a stupid idea choose that? Meg: Craig Hoffman. Peter: Craig... Craig Hoffman claimed that? Well, he"s a spicy kid. You could be ugly. Meg goes right into the kitchen sobbing. Stewie: Oh, there, there, permit me dried those tears. Mmm... Yes, yes. Your anguish sustains me. Lois: Meg, honey, don"t let those awful youngsters at institution make you feel bad around yourself. Ns tell friend what. Tomorrow you and also I are going to walk out and also get you part brand brand-new outfits. Maybe a pair that those low-rider blue jeans that"ll present off her cute butt, huh? Meg: Really? Wow, thanks, Mom. Stewie: Mmm... Meg in short riders. Images Meg thusly. Ugh, sufficient of that. The picture returns. Walk away, cursed you. The picture of Meg in lowriders returns again. Oh, you"re walk to obtain it now. Stewie bring away a roll pin and also assaults the believed bubble. Peter: Oh, mine God! Horace, what is this every about? Horace: What the hell"s that look like? I"m puttin" the bar up for sale. Peter: Oh, you re welcome tell me this is some sort of handy joke. Like, favor the kind I used to play when I was an intern in ~ the hospital. Reduced Scene. Peter viewpoints a male in the waiting room. Peter: I"m afraid I have actually some really bad news. Her wife"s gonna be a vegetable. You"ll need to bathe her, feed her and also care for she the rest of her life. Man: Oh, mine God! Peter: (laughing): Nah, nah, nah, I"m simply kidding. She"s dead. End reduced scene. Horace: Ever due to the fact that that Mega-Mall opened across the street, it"s been acquisition away all my business. They obtained 300 stores, 200 restaurants, 53 bars and also an indoor livestock ranch. Cow: i go come Baskin-Robbins every night and also buy myself a small treat. Horace: Now, exactly how the hell am I supposed to compete with that? Cleveland: You should fix the location up. Reinvent the Clam"s image. And also we"ll aid ya. Horace: That"ll take it forever. Peter: not if we execute a 1980s fixin"-stuff-up montage. Electro-pop music theatre ? open up your eye ? ? A beneficial surprise ? ? A dream in disguise ? ? You recognize we deserve to have it ? ? A ar we can be ? (beeping) ? It"s so great to see... ? Quagmire: Wow, i think we made the worse. Peter: Boy, I perform not envy whoever has to clean that mess up. Lois: Brian, why don"t you take Stewie while Meg and also I go garments shopping? Stewie: friend know, it"s awfully dangerous because that me to it is in walking about the mall in ~ my height. Ns say, let me acquire on your back. Brian: Oh, because that God"s sake. Stewie: strong with the force, young Skywalker is. Brian: God, ns don"t believe this. Stewie: the is why you fail. Lois: Oh, what around this, Meg? A pink baby-tee that claims "Little Slut." That seems pretty hip. Meg: i don"t know if that"s yes, really me, Mom. Lois: Well, they"ve got one that says "Porn Star" and also another that claims "Sperm Dumpster." and also they"re all created in glitter. Meg: all right, every right. Give me "Sperm Dumpster." Lois: That"s the spirit! Sales clerk: girlfriend finding everything okay? Lois: Yes, give thanks to you. Sales clerk: Well, you simply let me recognize if you need any... Meg: just how do these jeans look? Sales clerk: AAAAAAAAAAAGGGH!!! The sales salesman douses herself in gasoline, ignites it s her on fire and also jumps out the window. Stewie: Ten bucks. Brian: five bucks. Stewie: Eight bucks and also I"ll execute it. Brian: Fine. Stewie: to run naked through the mall. Help, I"ve escaped indigenous Kevin Spacey"s basement! help me! return to Brian. Ha! ns am so outrageous. Provide me the cash. Brian: Cold in here? Stewie: Nope, just really small. Meg: confront it, Mom. No issue what i wear ns look ugly. Lois: Oh, Meg, you"re being... That"s... Eh... Let"s shot down here. Tom Tucker: coming up next: Joan Rivers speaks to united state from past the grave. But very first let"s walk to the Quahog Mega-Mall where asian correspondent Tricia Takanawa is handing the end makeovovs. Tricia Takanawa: That"s right, Tom. Part lucky hideous woman will be revolutionized by our makeover magicians right into someone of value to society. Lois: Meg, that"s it! You could get a makeover! Oh, that"d be simply the point to an increase your confidence. Miss Takanawa! miss Takanawa! end here! Oh, mine daughter requirements a makeover choose there"s no freakin" tomorrow! The cameraman screams, douses self in gasoline, lights self on fire and also jumps the end the nearest window. Tricia holds the camera herself. Tricia: the looks prefer we"ve got a winner, Tom. Horace: challenge it, The clam is doomed. Peter: Aw, come on, guys. Us can"t offer up now. Joe: Aw, Peter, we"ve do the efforts every theme we can think of, and everything"s failed. Particularly that, that Coyote Ugly theme... Cut Scene. Joe, Peter, Cleveland, and also Quagmire are dancing on height of the bar come an irish jig. Joe hits himself in the face with his foot End cut Scene. Horace: Ah, it"s no use. This ar is finished. Quagmire, go acquire the "For Sale" sign. Quagmire: Hey, Horace, what the hell"s this? Horace: Eh, it"s a karaoke machine. I never ever got roughly to installation it. Peter: A karaoke machine? Wait a minute, that"s it. We"ll revolve this place right into a karaoke bar! Oh, man, that"s the finest idea because they faked the moon landing. Cut Scene. Neil Armstrong is was standing in a television studio. Director: Okay, cut. Neil Armstrong exits the studio. Passerby: Wow, Neil Armstrong. Hey, wait a minute, you"re claimed to it is in on the moon. I simply saw that on TV. Neil Armstrong: Oh, there"s, uh... Uh... Uh... A ice cream delay. And, uh... Uh, solar winds... Neil smashes the passerby in the head through his helmet and shoves that in his trunk. End cut scene. Lois: Peter... Take a look at at her daughter. Peter: Oh, my God, Lois, I"m sorry. I-It was twenty years ago, I"d never even heard words "rubber." Lois: Peter, this is Meg. Peter: Oh. Meg: I got a makeover, Dad! Don"t i look great?! Peter: Oh, Meg, honey, I always thought you were beautiful just the method you... Laughing Oh, God, couldn"t do that v a right face! laughing Welcome to the family, sweetheart. Chris, go burn every Meg"s old pictures. Ago at the Drunken Clam. Mort Goldman: ? There"s gained to be a morning after ~ ? ? We"re relocating closer come the coast ? ? I understand we"ll be over there by tomorrow ? ? and also we"ll escape the darkness ? ? us won"t be browsing anymore. ? ? There"s obtained to it is in a morning... ? thank you very much. Cleveland: i don"t understand it. This location should it is in jumping. Peter: Well, we just need to kick it increase a notch. Horace, fight it. Journey"s "Don"t avoid Believing" dram ? just a small-town girl ? ? life in a lonely human being ? ? She took the midnight train going everywhere ? grabs Cleveland through the arm. Cleveland: Oh, Peter, don"t make me do th... ? simply a city young ? ? Born and also raised in southern Detroit ? ? He take it the midnight train going anywhere ? market West: Oh, God. I love this song. And also I love it when amateurs sing the lyrics. But I hate baseball cards. Joe: ? Some will win ? ? part will shed ? ? some were born to sing the blues ? Quagmire: ? Oh, the movie never ends ? ? the goes on and also on and also on and also on and on... ? ? Giggety-giggety-giggety-goo! Hey, that"s Journey! (cries): Howard! (crying): Oh...! the is Journey.? Streetlight people... ? (music ends) (grunts, yells)Joe: Guys, us were freakin" electric!Quagmire: Yeah, they loved us!Peter: Gentlemen, this is a sign! We room gonna begin our very own rock band! Huh? Who"s through me?! Cleveland: I"m in! Joe: I"m in! Quagmire: I"m in! invoice Cosby: Looks like the males are gonna type a absent band. Perhaps they"ll learn a small something. Pole around, friend just might learn something, too. Hey, hey, hey! Brian: friend know, Peter, just since you guys entertained a bunch the drunken idiots at a karaoke bar doesn"t median you have what that takes to kind a band. Peter: Oh, Brian, you"re simply ants at a picnic. We"re gonna it is in awesome. Brian: Wait, wait, what, what am I? I"m ants at a picnic? Is that what you just said? ns just, I, I"m ants at a picnic? every right. Just making sure. Quagmire: Yeah, hey, i m really sorry I"m late, fellas. Cleveland: Aw, cool, Glenn. You look as with Tommy Lee. Quagmire: Well, I figure it would be suitable since i just uncovered out I obtained hepatitis. Joe: girlfriend know, probably we must have chose on outfits the matched. Now we all look choose a bunch of queers. Peter: Fellas, the doesn"t matter what friend wear, as long as friend play kick-ass absent "n" roll and do this with your tongue. Am i right, Gene? Gene Simmons: You acquired that right, Pete. Lois: laughing Oh, my. Hi, Gene, ns didn"t recognize you to be here. Every right, all right. Keep it in her mouth, rock star. Student: whistles Wow! an excellent job acquiring hot, Meg! Meg: Gee, thanks! Craig Hoffman: Hey, Meg. Meg: Oh, hi, Craig. Craig: now that you"re attractive, how around we go out some time? Meg: Gosh, I"d love to. Craig: Great. I"ll pick you increase whenever i feel favor it. Connie DiMico: Hey, Meg. We noticed Craig Hoffman just asked girlfriend out. That makes you cool. Wanna hang out with us? Meg: Wow. Sure. Craig: Hey. I"m here to choose you up. Peter: right here we are, fellas, our an initial major gig. Cleveland: Peter, this is a residence of corrections. Yeah, girlfriend gotta begin somewhere, fellas. Peter: That"s just how you evolve, like as soon as the tin Man discovered out he to be gay. Reduced Scene. "If ns Only had a Heart" plays. The Tin guy is leaning come the left and also right, together Dorothy and also Scarecrow prepare to record him. Believe Man drops on Scarecrow. Believe Man: Oh. Oh. Look at what occurred by accident. End reduced Scene. Inmate 1: ns hear there"s a the majority of buzz around this band. Inmate 2: Yeah, there to be a pretty positive review sculpted in Tony"s ass. Lois: every right, kids, now, everyone continue to be together. It"s very important to her father the we"re right here for his band"s very first performance. Warden: The world who win you are proud come present, every the means from Quahog... Fat, Horny, Black and Joe! Peter: Hello, Cleveland! Cleveland: Hello, Peter. Quagmire: One, two, three, four! Peter: Oh, my God, us don"t know any songs. Inmates: friend suck! obtain off the stage! Peter: What carry out we do? Quagmire: I know what I"m doing-- I"m gaining outta here! Giggidy, giggidy, giggidy, gone! Peter: Uh... Hey, uh, how about a funny story around Lake Wobegon? It was the work of the tuna hot-dish jamboree... Peter is to win by a chair. Lois: Oh, no, kids, your father"s in trouble. I"m going increase there. Chris: I"m coming, too, Mom. Oh, mine God. The male behind me braided mine hair. Lois: Chris, seize a guitar, Brian, take it the drums. Here, Stewie, play with this. Hands Stewie a tambourine. Meg: Mom, deserve to we you re welcome just obtain out of here? Inmate: Oh, my God! various other Inmate: who is she? God, I might strangle her all night long. Boy, that"s not healthy, is it, that that"s the an initial place ns go to? Lois: hit it! Meg: through soft accompaniment ? Cloudy skies and also rain clouds ? ? Have concerned stay ? ? public nights and also sad sights won"t go away ? Family: ? Sha-la-la-la-la ? Meg: ? but I desire to be without a care ? ? Unicorns and butterflies almost everywhere ? Family: driving rate kicks in ? Gonna, gonna, gonna, gonna, gonna, gonna ? ? to buy me a rainbow ? ? Gonna, gonna, gonna, gonna, gonna, gonna ? ? plunder it increase in a good big bow ? Meg: ? the time is right, it"s day not night ? ? simply open up your heart ? ? It"ll it is in all best ? Family: ? Gonna, gonna, gonna, gonna, gonna, gonna ? ? to buy me a rainbow! ? Meg: ? to buy me a rainbow! ? Family: ? Rainbow! ? The inmates cheer. Jimmy Iovine: You guys were great! my name"s Jimmy Iovine, and I"d prefer to make you filthy well-off rock stars. Brian: Wow, you"re the chairman of Interscope Records. What space you act in prison? Jimmy: Eh, i stomped a cat come death. Listen, friend guys acquired talent. Peter: Well, where do we sign? Jimmy: Right below on Tony"s butt cheek. Tony screams. And also initial here. Tony screams again. And here. Tony screams again. And also date. Tony screams again. Peter: Oh, crap. Today"s the 17th. Tony screams and collapses. Reduced to recording studio.? Gonna, gonna, gonna, gonna, gonna, gonna ? ? buy me a rainbow! ? ? purchase me a rainbow! ? ? Rainbow! ? Peter: just how was that, Dr. Diddy? Puff Daddy: Yo, the sounded smooth, y"all. I just have actually a couple... Brian: (barking) Oh, oh, oh, God. Oh, God. I am so sorry. I store doing that. Oh, God, please, please forgive me. I gain that from my father. He"s indigenous a different generation. It"s, uh... Puff Daddy: Whatever, man. Brian: We, we cool? we good? Puff Daddy: Yeah, we"re cool. Fine. Brian: (growling) Chris: Um, Mr. Doctor, if you obtain shot in a lab feud, have the right to you do surgery ~ above yourself? Puff Daddy: Well, no, Chris, my level is in optometry. Peter: every right, Dr. Diddy, I gained three selections for you because that the surname of the band. Peter Griffin Starship, Peter Griffin and also the Sunday Steppers, or Testicular Sound Express. Puff Daddy: i think the name is "Meg." Meg: Me? Why? Peter: Yeah, why? Puff Daddy: permit me describe something come you, a"ight? us gotta acquire her half-naked and put her out front, center stage, and also that"s gonna do y"all billionaires, since America loves hot, white jailbait ass. Peter: Wait a minute. That"s the smartest point I"ve ever heard everyone say around anything. Lois: I"m not certain I"m comfortable v Meg being exploited the way. Meg: shut up, Mom, it"s not your decision! I want to be exploited. Lois: Meg, don"t you talk to me prefer that. Peter: Look, Lois, i love Mealticket simply as much as ns love Chris and Stevie, but company is business. So let"s get this present on the road, eh? Puff Daddy: Good. Now, I simply need friend to sign these... Brian: (barking) Oh, God. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Oh, mine God. That-that is not me. That"s not who I am. I vote Democrat. Uh, it will certainly not take place again. W-We cool? we good? Puff daddy exits leaving just the Griffin Family. Brian: You, uh, y-you guys understand I have actually no trouble with black color people, right? Peter, Lois, Chris, Meg & Stewie: Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah, sure. "Stewie: Well, girlfriend did to speak you hated Crooklyn.? Gonna, gonna, gonna, gonna, gonna, gonna ? ? to buy me a rainbow! ? ? Gonna, gonna, gonna, gonna, gonna, gonna ? ? plunder me increase in a good big bow ? ? the time is right its day no night, simply open up her heart ? ? It"ll it is in all best ? Montage of Meg"s albums while music is playing. Her albums include, "It"s a household Thang", "Statutory" and "Meg on her Face". Then the scene fades into the household on a tour bus Brian: Hey, Doc. You, uh, acquired a minute? Puff Daddy: What girlfriend want, dawg? Brian: Uh, yeah, so, uh, hey, inspect it out. Uh, Stewie and also I have, been, uh, working on some, uh, ingredient of our own, and, uh, we assumed there might be a ar for us... Puff Daddy begins to dial ~ above his call Brian: ...to song on the next album. Hey, uh, cool. You"re busy. No sweat. Boy, Benson was a funny show. I"ll talk to you later. Stewie: Well, what did he say? Brian: He stated he"d think about it. Okay, so, uh, where were we? Stewie: Oh, okay. Stewie: ? I desire to have actually intercourse through you, uh ooo yes ? ? Intercourse with you ? Brian: ? connections ? Stewie: ? Intercourse with you-oo-oo. ? Stewie: Right? Brian: Yeah, no, great. The sounds good. Stewie: every right, all right. Yeah, groovy, groovy. Now, uh, is there a shorter word because that intercourse? Meg: Lois, go grab me another bag of Skittles. Lois: pardon me, young lady? Meg: Did i freakin" stutter? i said-- an ext Skittles! Lois: all right, the is it, Meg. Girlfriend know, ever since you got that makeover, you"ve arisen a devastating attitude, and also all this success with the family members band is just making that worse. Meg: The "family band"? you know, maybe you haven"t noticed, Lois, yet I am the band. Right, miss out on Swan? miss out on Swan: Oh, yeah, she band. Old lady jealous. Lois: (sighs) Peter, we need to do something. We"re shedding our daughter. I"m worried around what"s happening to her. Peter: Lois, Lois, this is the type of thing that constantly resolves chin if you just disregard it. Every right? W-what"s more important is, we"re living the sweet life, huh? This is even an ext fun than as soon as I performed in ~ the White House. Cut to the Oval Office. Man: Mr. President, I existing to you, Peter Griffin. Peter: A-booga-booga-booga! booga-begga-begga...! Blah-blah-blah-blah. President: (laughing) Peter: (raspberries) President: (laughing) President begins to wave hands around in excitment and inturn knocks a snowglobe turn off the desk causing it come break. President: (sobbing) Cut ago to tourism bus. Puff Daddy: Okay, hear up, everybody, i got good news. Meg, you and your family members are gonna perform on Saturday Night Live. Peter: You average I"m going to get to satisfy John Belushi and Gilda Radner and Phil Hartman and Chris Farley and Horatio Sanz? Sweet! cut to Saturday Night Live Studio Chris: Wow, Saturday Night Live. Ns can"t think the anything an ext exciting! Chris begins to eye a water fractional Chris: Ooh. Oh, mine God! A water fountain! kris starts playing with the fountain and laughing Jimmy Fallon: Hey, Meg... (snickers) I"m Jimmy Fallon. It"s, uh, it"s an excellent to ultimately meet you. I"m hosting. Hey, uh... Why don"t you come hang out in my dressing room? Meg: What room you looking at? Jimmy Fallon: Oh, uh, nothing. Uh, come on, let"s go. Lois: Peter, I"m worried around Meg. She"s spiraling out of control. I mean, what if she establishes a coke problem? Peter: No Coke. Pepsi. (laughing) Lois: (groans) Peter: Oh, come on. You set me up for that one. Cut to Jimmy Fallons dressing room. Meg: Wow, Jimmy, that was everything Ladies home Journal claimed it would be. Jimmy Fallon: Awesome. Great. Thanks. Um, you know, there"s there"s something I... (laughs) There"s other I"ve gotta phone call you. Being with you just made me feeling so a... Live from new York, it"s Saturday Night! Meg: (gasps) reduced to Peter & Lois city hall Saturday Night Live in their dressing room. Announcer: It"s Saturday Night Live. Lois: Oh, mine God! Peter: Yeah, the wasn"t a very great opening sketch, was it? A rarely miss. Lois: ns don"t think that was a sketch, Peter. Meg: (sobbing) Mom! Dad! He used me for comedy! Peter: Wait a minute. Are you telling me that my daughter to be deflowered in front of one-and-a-half time the foolish TV audience? Lois: Oh, my bad baby. Peter: my God, Lois, you were right. Why the hell didn"t I check out it coming? all right, stand aside. It"s around time i did my fatherly duty. Ha-ha! I stated "doodie." yet no time come laugh around it now. Cut to Saturday Night Live opening stage. Jimmy Fallon: Hey, everybody. It"s, uh, good to it is in back. So, we got a great show this evening and, uh... Peter: Hey, Fallon. Say great night, ya bum! Peter starts come beat-up Jimmy Fallon. Peter: and this is for laughing and looking in ~ the camera throughout every lay out you"ve ever been in! Who execute you think you are? Carol Burnett? you think since she go it, it"s okay for you?! girlfriend haven"t earn what she"s earned, buddy! Peter stop beating increase Jimmy Fallon and also starts to look around. Peter: all right, now where"s the guy who slept v my daughter? earlier to the Griffin household, Meg is back to her usual me in her usual attire Meg: I"m so glad to it is in the actual me again. It"s too much work gift beautiful. Lois: (chuckles) not for me, however it"s good to have you back, Pumpkin. Peter: Well, i guess there"s only one thing left to do. Camera pans the end to disclose Saturday Night Live stage with human being who whereby in the episode and also those who did not show up all, every one of them standing on the Saturday Night Live Stage. Peter: Uh, listen, thanks, everybody. I had a great time tonight. Uh, ns wanna say thanks to Jimmy Fallon for being together a great sport. Uh, Lois, Meg, Stewie, Brian, Chris. Uh, the males from the prison, uh, counting Crows... Uh, uh, if I"m forgetting anybody, I"m sorry. An excellent night, everybody! ours thoughts space with you, Chevy! Credits begin to duty in Saturday Night Live style, yet quickly cut to the Apollo theatre Announcer: indigenous the world-famous Apollo Theatre in Harlem. It"s Showtime at the Apol... Cut to Brian top top the couch turning off the TV Brian: What? I"m tired. It has actually nothing to carry out with the truth that it"s a black color show.


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What, i can"t be tired at 1:00 in the morning? Brian starts barking and runs in the direction of the screen, continuing to bark.