“People keep Asking If I’m Back, and also I Haven’t Really had actually An Answer, but Yeah, I’m thinking I’mBack.”

So, last year I observed a trailer for John Wick and, man, ns laughed mine ass off. The looked terrible. It looked beyond terrible. I had a giggle fit that lasted, like, a heavy minute.

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But ~ the movie came out, ns heard a surprising number of good reviews for it, and not just human being saying ingredient like, “Man, this is so-bad-it’s-good,” but like, “Dudes, this shit is AMAZING.” So eventually I was like, “Okay, well, I’m gonna have to give this an ethical shot at some point,” and some point turned the end to be last week.

Ultimately? i was like, “Yeah, the was quite decent.”

DISCLAIMER:

There won’t be any real SPOILERS till the Spoiler Section, but I to be going to talk around the Inciting event that takes ar in the first fifteen minute or therefore of the movie. It’s in every single one the the trailers, so ns don’t feel particularly bad about it, yet just therefore you’re prepared. In related news, my girlfriend Marisa has made decision that my superhero name must be Spoiler Alert. I’m concerned my powers room dubious at best.

NOTES:

1. Here’s what ns think: if I’d seen John Wick appropriate after watching this trailer, I’d have actually been at sight impressed since of my exceedingly short expectations. After reading all the buzz about it, though, mine reaction was more like . . . Yeah, that was okay.

I didn’t dislike John Wick. Parts of the are pretty awesome, actually. I’d probably try out sequels, if sequels are undoubtedly made. (I think two space planned, however hey, that’s what castle said about It, The Dark Tower, and countless other, non-Stephen King projects.) But i didn’t love John Wick, either, and I think a lot of that had to perform with three different moments where characters choose not to death someone for plainly Plot-Related Reasons, despite the fact that their characters would totally have actually killed that person. Trivial? Possibly. However the an ext it happened, the much more it appeared ridiculous and also out of character to me, and also I’ll take it a many bullshit in a story, but if ns don’t to buy a character’s motivations, you’ve lost a many ground v me together an audience member.

2. However that’s for the Spoiler Section. Let’s go ago to john Wick’s beginnings, shall we?

So, this is man Wick’s disastrous Dead mam (Bridget Moynahan). I’m certain she has actually an yes, really name, yet let’s not also pretend come care around it, okay? The important component is this: John used to it is in a bad, negative man, yet then he fell in love and retired indigenous all that Dark next stuff. There to be Happy Times because that a while, but then his wife passed away — together wives execute — and John Wick was an extremely sad. It turns out, though, the his mam was other of a planner, and before her brewing demise, she take it time the end of her busy existential “Oh my God, I’m dying” situation to purchase her husband a puppy so the he’d have actually a companion to comfort him in his time of grief.

A couple of things around this:

2A: follow to Wikipedia, David Leitch (one that the directors/producers) had actually this come say around Tragic Dead Wife: “Helen’s the crux of the movie, for this reason to have an actress prefer Bridget come on plank in such crucial role to be gratifying.” follow to IMDB Trivia, however, Bridget Moynahan has a totality eight seconds of display screen time in John Wick. If that doesn’t call you everything you need to know about Hollywood’s cognitive dissonance in the direction of female characters, ns don’t recognize what will.

2B. The line in the trailer that made me fully lose it? “I shed everything. The dog was the last gift from my dying wife.” having actually just rewatched that trailer, ns still cracked up, back the actual moment where the dog die is surprisingly super sad, like, “Jimmy, NOOOOO!” levels of sad. Which, in a way, is type of impressive: I’ve recognized people who will certainly entirely swear off any type of story where an pet is killed, yet I think it’s to be well-documented by currently that my cold, dead heart is considerably harder to move. (In fact, I deserve to think the at the very least three movies whereby a dead cat has actually do me laugh, back in my defense, those movie were supposed to do me laugh. Yes, I’m mindful that ns sound like a sociopath best now.)

Just to it is in clear, though: the dog has much more screen time than Tragic Dead Wife. In case you weren’t sure which was valued more in Hollywood. Hint: it’s not the women.

2C. Daisy the dog (Andy the dog) is nice ridiculously cute, though.

Awwwwwww . . . I just want come snuggle it forever. Although, have the right to we be ethical here? I’m no so sure I’d actually want a post-mortem puppy gift only a few days after ~ my far-ranging other’s funeral. Like, it’s sweet, in a way, and seriously, the dog is insanely adorable, but puppies space also, like, work. Responsibility. Friend can’t just disregard them and also sleep on your couch for three days straight. A dog could totally help administer comfort or give friend some kind of an ideas to save moving, however it might just as easily end up being a living thing you overlook in the elevation of your depression. Ns guess what I’m saying here is, if friend die, I’d rather have actually some sort of edible arrangement delivered instead to comfort me, thanks.

3. Sadly, man Wick’s catastrophic Dead Wife does acquire John a puppy, and also it’s killed due to the fact that Theon Greyjoy (Alfie Allen) is, yet again, a dick.

Damn you, Theon. Have to you damage everything?

Actually, this movie has a nice delightful sustaining cast, chock complete of actors who retained surprising me as soon as they popped up. Over there aren’t any huge surprise cameos, i don’t think, but I didn’t precisely do much research before watching John Wick, for this reason the only human I knew to suppose was Neo. Other actors in this movie, in no certain order: Toby Leonard Moore (Wesley indigenous Daredevil!), Adrianne Palicki (Bobbi native Agents that SHIELD!), Bridget Regan (Dottie native Agent Carter!), Ian McShane (Al Swearengen native Deadwood!), Michael Nyqvist (that dude native The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo!), Dean winters (that dude indigenous those Allstate mayhem commercials!), Lance Reddick (from Fringe and The Wire!), Clarke Peters (from Person of Interest and also The Wire!), john Leguizamo (from my favorite Baz Luhrmann films!) and Willem Dafoe (from everything!).

Some that these duties are pretty tiny parts, but that’s okay. Ns wish an ext directors take it their supporting casts this seriously.

4. I additionally enjoyed a most the action, specifically the huge gunfight at the sophisticated nightclub. I’m a huge fan of movies the pair violence with unusual music (which is why this struggle scene in Grosse point Blank will certainly remain among my favorite fight scene of every time), so i love the this kinda quiet track is provided as man Wick legit stabs and shoots world left and right. Fun times.

Also, I have a ton that nostalgia for Marilyn Manson, so ns was stupidly happy come hear that on the soundtrack. Am i sounding choose a sociopath again, or just a boy from the 90’s?

5. I wasn’t rather as wild about the subtitles, though.

I mean, it wasn’t favor a huge thing, like, “Oh no, John Wick puts their subtitles in the center of the screen and makes completely random words bright orange, pink, and also green. Automatically F, dudes.” however it didn’t feel entirely consistent and mostly just kept control me the end of the story. Ns feel like it’s the sort of thing I’d have delighted in in something else, possibly a meta, YA story. Like Detention. Or Scream on MTV.

6. Also, john Wick’s codename is Baba Yaga, or the Boogeyman. I m sorry is interesting because I have never related Baba Yaga come anything prefer the Boogeyman, and both pronunciations I’ve ever heard the Baba Yaga don’t really match up with how Michael Nyqvist pronounces the (baba yay-ga?). No one of this really method anything except that we should completely have an really Baba Yaga movie at part point, and likewise the picture of Keanu Reeves standing in a residence on chicken feet will proceed to to chat me for part time.

7. Finally, i can’t talk also much around the things that worked for me or the things that really didn’t (though one at sight tropetastic step seriously failed to impress), yet I deserve to say this: there are a series of muscle dare in this movie, and also ain’t none of ’em prettier than John’s very first car the starts this whole mess: the 1969 Mach 1 Mustang. Now, that’s the kind of automobile that nearly makes me desire to learn exactly how to drive. Almost.

SPOILERS

SPOILERS

SPOILERS

SPOILERS

SPOILERS

So, what happens is this: Theon and Wesley (I’m totally not going to call them by their actual character names, BTW) ride up to this gas terminal where man Wick’s at. Theon desires to purchase John’s sweet, sweet Mustang, and John’s like, “Yeah, no for sale buddy,” cause, seriously. That’s a nice car. Wesley’s all ominously like, “We’ll be see you,” or everything he in reality says, and John rides off into the sunset.

Then Theon, Wesley, and some various other dudes surprise john at his home of means Too many Fucking Windows, beat him up, stealing his car, and kill his dog. (It is, specifics Theon who kills the dog. Due to the fact that Theon will always be the worst.) Theon and also Wesley take it the vehicle to john Leguizamo’s Garage of Criminal Activity, and also when Leguizamo establish it, refuses come touch the great, silver beauty and, satisfyingly, slaps Theon about a little. It’s approximately Theon’s Dad and our large Bad, Viggo (Michael Nyqvist), to describe to that (and us) what a colossal fuck-up this was.

I choose Viggo in this scene: he’s basically a dude caught in between a rock and also a tough place. Either he protects his kid by trying come take out a Scary Fucking Dude, or that protects himself and also lets his son acquire killed. Sure, Theon’s an annoying dick, yet you know. It’s his son. It’s super simple to flip this story and make Viggo the good guy, which i think is great. It’s likewise why ns was really annoyed by Viggo’s revolve from relatively Reasonable villain to total James Bond villain halfway with the movie.

But we’ll acquire to that. An initial we need to talk about the Continental and also how totally awesome the is.

The continent is apparently a hotel (complete through swanky bar) that mainly (or exclusively?) serves assassins. It’s completely neutral ground, which is why man checks in: nobody’s permitted to death him there without occurs the severe wrath that Management. This is a pretty stunner idea that I just love; I would certainly watch a entirety movie around The Continental. I would certainly watch a seven-season television show about The Continental. I’m not specifically sure what would take place in it, but I’d clock the hell out of it, I’m certain of that. (And Lance Reddick, in particular, is sort of awesome here. He would absolutely have to it is in in that television show.)

Of course, one of the assassins — Ms. Perkins (Adrianne Palicki) — defies management anyway. I was an extremely relieved once she showed up because, till her entrance, this movie had a very boys club feeling to it. I mean, the still is super boys society (the large Bad, the large Bad’s Henchmen, the large Bad’s Son, the big Bad’s Son’s BFF, the Hotel Concierge, the Hotel Management, The Chop Shop Mechanic, etc, etc., etc.), but at the very least Ms. Perkins has something come do other than, you know, be tragic and also dead. (I was going come say refrigerated, however technically it’s the dog who’s refrigerated, isn’t it? the course, the dog wouldn’t average anything if the wife wasn’t dead too, so, to hell with it. They’re both stuffed in the exact same refrigerator, alongside the pickles, mustard, and mayo.)

We’ll come ago to Ms. Perkins in a moment, but very first let’s discuss every the people who must die in this movie well prior to they in reality do.

1. Theon Greyjoy

So, man Wick finds the end that Theon’s hanging out at this super fancy nightclub with, like, a pool and shit. (I’m suspect pools aren’t a standard feature in continuous nightclubs, return admittedly ns don’t acquire out much, so who knows? i usually just go because that a margarita in ~ Chevy’s, but then, nobody has ever accused me of gift classy, either.) man kills Wesley (sorry, dude) and some of the other henchmen before pointing his gun in ~ Theon, hesitating prefer a complete ten seconds prior to shooting someone else. Naturally, this allows Theon to get away.

John’s clearly not having actually a dilemm of conscience below (IMDb trivia has his kill count in ~ 77, and also he most likely kills at least 20 human being in this step alone), so I can only assume among two things: either he feels the the various other dude needs to be killed more (which, he totally doesn’t; he’s pinned down and also not also remotely a threat) or he doesn’t shoot Theon because he wants the kid’s fatality to be more painful than that. Which is the sort of conventional mistake the befalls all personalities who never read Hamlet or, presumably, watched any type of kind the movie before EVER — yet it’s even an ext annoying here due to the fact that when Wick finally does death Theon, there’s no torture or drawn-out death after all; Wick simply shoots him, virtually off-handedly, when Theon’s in the center of a sentence. And I’m like, dude, you might have done that forty minutes back and saved us all some fucking time.

Normally, I’d be inclined to simply roll mine eyes and also ignore it, except that civilization keep not dice for entirely stupid reasons. Situation in point:

2. Ms. Perkins

So, Ms. Perkins make the efforts to death John if he’s sleeping, and she’d be successful, too, if man didn’t have actually his own guardian angel (of death): Willem Dafoe. Dafoe is John’s assassin mentor/friend, and Viggo rental him to death John. Instead, Dafoe helps john out (a pair of times, even); in this case, the shoots the pillow beside John’s head to wake up him up. (Why he doesn’t just shoot Ms. Perkins, i don’t know, yet that’s actually no what I’m complaining around here.)

So John and also Ms. Perkins fight and, eventually, john gets the top hand. Only instead of immediately killing her like he’s done with every other human being who’s gotten in his way, john decides come tie she up and also give her to this Amiable Assassin Dude (Clarke Peters) for safekeeping.

This is bullshit.

Now, ns didn’t really desire Ms. Perkins come die. Frankly, I was type of voting for her versus John Wick, mostly due to the fact that I like Bobbi on Agents the SHIELD and also I was sort of digging her dark hair. Yet obviously, i knew she wasn’t going come win since I didn’t figure John Wick would have such a interlocutor story-telling technique as to death off the titular activity hero halfway through the movie. And that’s fine, honestly, however it tho annoys me that John doesn’t death her, cause, dude, that male is killing human being left and also right in this movie. These are civilization he could just as quickly be knocking unconscious and also shoving out of the way, yet he doesn’t . . . Except for the assassin who’s trying to gun that down? Yeah, i don’t think so.

My finest guess is this: John Wick doesn’t kill Ms. Perkins since they have actually some type of history, though, clearly, it’s not that nearby of a history. In fairness to the movie, lock do show John choosing not kill a couple of people he to be friendly with back in the day. In same to me, however, every those people were provided a an option to walk eat a sandwich or something and immediately vamoosed, rather than stand approximately John and also get horribly murdered. If they had chosen differently, yeah. There’s no means they’d still be breathing.

So i can’t aid but feel that the real reason John Wick doesn’t kill our lady assassin is because, of course, she’s a lady assassin, which is just annoying. Of course, over there are activity heroes who kill female poor guys, however it doesn’t it seems to be ~ to take place a whole lot and also it feels prefer it needs to take place a particular way. (Falling, for some reason, seems to it is in acceptable.) Like, John Wick shoots guys in the confront in this movie. Man Wick was never ever going come shoot Ms. Perkins in the face. That bugs me, and I didn’t also want Ms. Perkins to die.

Ms. Perkins does die later at the hand of Management, and I did prefer that — ns think it’s vital to see how they address rule-breakers, otherwise the Continental simply doesn’t yes, really work. However it annoys me that john chooses not to death her because (a) it makes no feeling for the character, and (b), did us really require her to kill Freamon, anyway? We’ve currently killed John’s wife, dog, and (spoilers) his mentor/friend/angel that death. Freamon just feels choose overkill, at this point.

Still, none of the annoys me as much as the last person who must totes it is in dead:

3. Man Wick

So, in ~ one point, our big Bad Viggo captures john Wick. Wick’s under on the ground, injured, ~ above the verge of pass out, and Viggo or any kind of of his henchmen could easily, easily kill him. Instead, they drag his unconscious ass to some place and also tie him increase so that (a) Viggo can needlessly monologue in ~ him, and also (b) Wick deserve to escape and kill everyone.

Ugh. UGH.

Look, ns know John Wick isn’t looking to reinvent the wheel here, and also that’s fine, but come ON, this is simply dumb. If Viggo struck me together a typical James Bond rogue from the get-go, ns doubt it would certainly bother me together much, but he didn’t. Like I claimed before, one of my favorite things about this movie is the the villain is a quite reasonable dude v a pretty reasonable motivation . . . Or was, anyway, till he all of sudden goes fucking crazy. I don’t understand: why make this large deal about not underestimating man Wick at the beginning of the movie if you’re just going to stupidly underestimate him in ~ a vital moment by no killing him once you have the chance? It makes no feeling to me, nobody whatsoever.

Honestly, nothing about this scene functions for me. Ns can’t was standing anything about Viggo’s whole monologue, not the dialogue, not the suddenly cartoonish delivery, nothing. The totality “we’re the same, you can’t get out of this life, blah blah blah” — it’s all so very heavy-handed and just done to death. And also I’m reportedly in the decimal here, however Keanu’s reaction, his huge “Yeah, I’m reasoning I’m back,” speech doesn’t fully work because that me, either. Script-wise, that totally does, but I just don’t rather buy Keanu’s growly yelling here. It’s not Don man in Much Ado around Nothing level of awful, sure, yet I can’t assist but clock this scene and think that a fifty percent a dozen actors who can have pulled it off better.

Anyway, that’s about it. Viggo eventually offers up his son’s ar to save his own life. (So, ultimately, not that great of a parent, then.) He then kills the hell the end of Willem Dafoe because he to know Dafoe helped Wick out instead of trying to kill him in the very first place, i m sorry really, is nice fair. Wick doesn’t take it it well and kills the hell the end of Viggo before picking up a brand-new pooch at the regional pound. And that, as they say, is that.

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CONCLUSIONS:

Enjoyable enough. Some great, stylish action sequences (with every the colored filters, i mean, Jesus), funny soundtrack, and also a surprisingly sad dog demise. But I’m too bored and/or uncomfortable by the same old tropes to pretend I’m hugely impressed with this movie.