One the my favourite songs is Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah.

You are watching: Love is not a victory march

But I hadn’t ever given lot thought around the definition of the heat “Love is not a success march”. And also then, a couple of weeks ago, the hit me. It hit me hard. I’m talking… crying, gasping for breath, and wondering whereby it every went wrong. Ns don’t know how I feel about writing what I’m about to… yet it’s to be weighing on mine heart for so long. Probably some of friend will prevent reading ~ this. Possibly some of you will certainly see some of yourselves in my words. I don’t know… but it’s the chance I have to take.
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As a small girl, i played home with my dolls. I fed them your bottles, put them in cribs, and also happily played the “mommy”. Through my teen and also young adult years, ns watched tv shows and also movies that depicted motherhood as a rather stressful, misadventure-filled time complete of laughter, joy, and also problems that constantly got addressed in 30 minute to one hour. However once I became a mother, the reality was revealed…. The world had lied come me and also all those other small girls through commercials, ads, movies, and television shows. We were brainwashed right into believing in fairy tale endings, where husbands do an equal part, mothering comes naturally, and children space uniform in their creation and governed through a universal user guide.


Having a baby alters everything. Human being want to know if she sleeps in she crib and also refrains native crying like a “good baby” does. Her baby walk not. Go into the fear that you room doing something wrong. Her toddler throws tantrums since he lacks emotional regulation and does not have actually the verbal capacity come speak his frustrations. Insert you leaving the store, red-faced and embarrassed that you cannot control or “train” your youngsters to behave.

There’s so much pressure ~ above mothers. And also Pinterest and Facebook don’t help. But I’ve already shared v you my think on why we apologize so much as mothers, so i won’t ramble ~ above that. Yet it’s not easy, this mothering thing…. Periodically it feels choose we make more mistakes than we do positive impacts. The night ns truly realized my defeat in motherhood was a horrible one. Without going into details because that the services of my son’s privacy, it to be a case where i reacted come his misbehavior in a method I believed I never ever would. I betrayed myself together a mother. Ns let my expectations of how my child must act defeat that I tried to be as a mother. And also I’m quiet grieving and ashamed of my options that night.

So just how do we recoup from moments like these? as soon as we literally shed our $h!t and enter into the scary-mommy zone. When we rest the guidelines of motherhood the we’ve collection for ourselves? The price is… ns don’t know. We can’t redo these moments in a more appropriate manner. So every we have the right to do is apologize come our children and move on, praying we’ll do far better the next time we’re triggered.

There room moments whereby our mothering means we have to accept that us are imperfect and screw increase sometimes. That we have actually off days. That we have actually failures alongside our successes. The it’s okay to admit once we room at ours lowest and are top top empty.

Sometimes mothering way making mistakes and failing for this reason we can do far better next time. Sometimes it method we have to suck the up and carry on as if we aren’t prepared to collapse indigenous the huge weight that shaping small lives. Periodically our mothering means we have to accept defeat as we realize that we can’t execute it all every second of every day. What matters is the we win the war against the world. That we succeed in raising youngsters who space loving, compassionate, and kind. We need to make sacrifices for our children. We need to accept our humanness and imperfections.

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Since that night when I establish what “love is no a success march” in reality meant, those six words have come to be my momma mantra. Our tasks as mother is not always about the good and the glory. It gets raw, and also real, and also ugly at times. It’s no parade, but it’s worth it in the end.